Recognizing Dating Abuse
Brittany Wong
Posted on: 6/11/09 Section: Lancer Life
"There's a lot of unreported abuse and misunderstanding about what abuse is," she said. "That's part of what we find even here where a student will come in and talk about an abusive relationship, but not want to call it that."
That some students Ellis sees in her office are uncertain about whether or not what they've experienced wrong is indicative of a culture with a narrowly-defined perception of abuse, said Hugo Schwyzer, who teaches a course in women's history.
According to Schwyzer, to a certain extent, young women are taught to be watchful of overt physical abuse in romantic relationships, the kind of abuse that leaves someone bloodied and bruised in the hospital.
"But what if your boyfriend says, 'Just shut the f*** up' and he grabs your wrists and pushes you up against the wall and holds you against it in that 'I'm going to hurt you' way? You freeze and get small and tell him to stop and then he backs away. Then a second later he apologizes and he puts his arms around you. It's a very rare girl who's going to name that as abuse," he said.
Of the forms of dating abuse, sexual violence might seem the most obvious to recognize. It's certainly well-represented on college campuses. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, college-aged women are four times more likely to experience rape than women in general. Despite its prevalence, it's not an offense many of its victims readily acknowledge.
After years of immersing herself in women's studies at PCC, UCLA and outside the walls of academia, Hilary's well-versed in the real-world application of feminism. But at 16, despite having had what she called a "comprehensive sexual education," she was ill equipped to deal with the fallout of a sexual assault incident that happened at a party.
"I didn't even know it was abuse at the time. I came home and thought, 'Well, I was drunk and I had sex with him, even though it wasn't sex, because I didn't ever say, 'Let's have sex' - I didn't say anything, because I wasn't conscious - but I'm never going to see him again, because he creeps me out.' But I didn't have any language. In my mind, rapists were only in the bushes or someone you didn't know, and certainly not white, upper-class, good Southern boys," she said, noting that it's taken time, counseling, and feminism for her to rightfully label the incident rape.
That some students Ellis sees in her office are uncertain about whether or not what they've experienced wrong is indicative of a culture with a narrowly-defined perception of abuse, said Hugo Schwyzer, who teaches a course in women's history.
According to Schwyzer, to a certain extent, young women are taught to be watchful of overt physical abuse in romantic relationships, the kind of abuse that leaves someone bloodied and bruised in the hospital.
"But what if your boyfriend says, 'Just shut the f*** up' and he grabs your wrists and pushes you up against the wall and holds you against it in that 'I'm going to hurt you' way? You freeze and get small and tell him to stop and then he backs away. Then a second later he apologizes and he puts his arms around you. It's a very rare girl who's going to name that as abuse," he said.
Of the forms of dating abuse, sexual violence might seem the most obvious to recognize. It's certainly well-represented on college campuses. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, college-aged women are four times more likely to experience rape than women in general. Despite its prevalence, it's not an offense many of its victims readily acknowledge.
After years of immersing herself in women's studies at PCC, UCLA and outside the walls of academia, Hilary's well-versed in the real-world application of feminism. But at 16, despite having had what she called a "comprehensive sexual education," she was ill equipped to deal with the fallout of a sexual assault incident that happened at a party.
"I didn't even know it was abuse at the time. I came home and thought, 'Well, I was drunk and I had sex with him, even though it wasn't sex, because I didn't ever say, 'Let's have sex' - I didn't say anything, because I wasn't conscious - but I'm never going to see him again, because he creeps me out.' But I didn't have any language. In my mind, rapists were only in the bushes or someone you didn't know, and certainly not white, upper-class, good Southern boys," she said, noting that it's taken time, counseling, and feminism for her to rightfully label the incident rape.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Charlene Petitjean
posted 6/12/09 @ 6:58 AM PST
This is an amazing article. Very informative.
wat
posted 6/13/09 @ 4:05 AM PST
""They were white, upper-middle-class boys who got good grades and smiled in the daytime and then would push me off the bed at night and call me up at midnight and two hours later I'd be back home," she said. (Continued…)
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